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First Lady Melania Trump Addresses COVID-19 Diagnosis, In 280 Characters Or Less

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HOLLYWOOD, D.C. - Eleven days after news broke about Melania Trump's positive COVID-19 test, the first lady appeared in front of a packed crowd of Trump super spreaders in the White House's Rose Garden to address the diagnosis for the first time in the most Melania way possible. Michelle and I [sic] hope that the President, First Lady [sic], and all those affected by the coronavirus around the country are getting the care they need and are on the path to a speedy recovery. The First Lady exited the podium right afterwards to a round of dry coughs. We here at Box of Rocks would like to wish the First Lady and her husband, President Trump, as well as all citizens and politicians who've come within a 20 mile radius of the White House recently a speedy recovery.
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NFL's Washington Redskins Officially Announce Name Change - Now Called "The Indians"

WASHINGTON, D.C.  —  After prominent sponsors threatened to drop the popular NFL team, the Washington Redskins have officially announced that they are changing their controversial team name to something a little less racist - the Washington Indians. Daniel Snyder, the franchise's owner, took out of his busy day to explain the name change to the media . "We realized after the Black Lives Matter protests began that we wouldn't be able to continue under *that* name anymore, so we immediately went to the drawing board to conceive a new name," Snyder said, "we decided to come up with a name that honored our native pals and their culture instead of belittle them. Thus, the Indians were born!" When asked if he'd mind sharing some other names that were considered, Snyder obliged. "We wanted something that perfectly described the Indians in a positive light, so we came up with names such as the Wagon Burners and, my personal favorite, the Brownies! I love br...
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